NewsReel 12/3/13 - Ayo, Jerome And Igbo Riddle

[ Masterweb Reports Dr James Agazie reports ] – In the first part of this story, three Muslims brainstormed on how to unravel the Igbo riddle . How do the Muslims  go about containing the Igbo expansionist ambitions and curtailing their money-making proclivity? Yoruba Muslin Ayo suggests denying Amyamiris access to lucrative land deals, government contracts and ministerial posts in finance. Fulani Suleiman chooses intermarriage and conversion of Igbos to Islam. It was Hausaman Yakubu’s position that the Sharia law would provide the lasting solution..  ENTERS the 4th brainstormer Alhaji Okechukwu Okeke, the only Igbo in the group.
 
AYO: Alhaji Okeke, we’ve been discussing how to make Islam the only religion in this country. First, how was your recent pilgrimage to Mecca with your beautiful wife? Er, Em. First, how did the trip go?
 
OKEKE: We almost didn’t make it. The airline cancelled Alhaja Mercy Oriaku Okoke’s reservation at the last minute.
 
JEROME: Why? She’s  Muslim, isn’t she? These Anyamiri Christians are something else. We shall defeat them with Allah’s help.
 
OKEKE: I believe we shall. They say her ass was so wide she couldn’t fit into the passenger seat. We almost didn’t go until I was able to secure three adjoining seats in a row and have the armrests removed. It couldn’t have been done without Ayo’ s help.
 
AYO: Sorry about that. I thought she is beautiful the way she is.  Er. Em. Excuse me.  And---
 
SULEIMAN: I shall have a serious talk with the President and his people.  We have been demanding that Muslim trips to Mecca be comfortable and provided free of charge and guaranteed for all Muslims who want to pay homage to our Great Prophet. Allah be praised. It is within our rights.
 
JEROME: “Anyamiris have been demanding our government pay for their trips to Israel Holy Land. How do we deal with what we ‘ve been talking about, Alhaji Okeke? I mean Islamize Anyamiris?
 
OKEKE: Easy. Give me enough money and support  to go after the Igbo leadership who have power over their people. You know, among Igbos, money is everything, and we know if you want to certify  an Anyamiri is really dead, place a stack of Naira on his body. No movement means he or she is really dead.
 
AYO: You are right, comrade Okeke. I know it. My Igbo girlfriend Comfort does want to be my fourth wife, but she demands millions for red Mercedes, mansions in Port Harcourt, frequent trips to Dubai and vacations at the American Disney World . I tell you what?. Nawa. 
 
JEROME: For one thing, Alhaji Okeke, how much money are you talking about? Can you handle the upcoming elections? I mean can you pay for the election results?
 
OKEKE: Very easily, my friend.  Can’t place my hand on exact figure that would do . Perhaps N500 billion  will help to begin the massive job for the Great Prophet. Allah be praised.
 
SULEIMAN: Ayo, it’s hard to find you sometimes. Are you still enforcing the Sharia laws against the akwukwuma (prostitutes), the lega-lega (homosexuals), and the triko-triko (traversites)? I know you are.
 
OKEKE: No, Ayo is not. He’s always at my house checking my wife’s big ass out, I have asked him to please marry my wife’s younger sister Comfort with twice the ass size. I don’t know why he is wasting time.
 
(There was a loud laughter until Suleiman recovered control).
 
SULEIMAN: Order! Order!  I say order.  Ayo, while you are out checking butts sizes, please check to see the size of Muslim cash flow (not slow nyash) at all banks, including the Central Bank of Nigeria, Barclay’s, Saudi banks, New York, California, Dubai Bank. Alhaji Okeke, we shall get back to you after we pull all the money out. Give us a week. Thank you. Any final word before meeting is adjourned?
 
JEROME: Would it be better to import white Muslim girls from Egypt or Afghanistan than messing with the black things we have around here? I am just asking.  No more last word, Alhaji Sule, Sir.
 
 
Dr James Agazie ( Email: jamesagazie@yahoo.com ).
 
*Photo Caption – Map of Igboland (homeland of Ndigbo of Nigeria ).
 
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